It’s a…!

I’m happy. This evening I’m enjoying that too-rare mix of contentment, hope, and inspiration. I just feel good, and I like it. The snow has finally stopped, we just finished a beautiful meal of home-made tortillas and bean/yam burritos (and fresh guacamole of course!), and I can hear my boys watching their traditional viewing of Charlie Brown (the Christmas one, they watch it together about 4X a week, the only show we really let Jem watch). I’m newly inspired with projects on writing and crafting and home-making, I’m wearing my favourite new skirt, and the sun is breaking through.
I’m also happy as this afternoon we found out that we have another SON on that way, a BOY! The past few hours have involved some mixed emotions and responses deep within as I hadn’t really considered that this child wasn’t a girl, but as I settle into the beauty of seasons and timing and Life I’m bubbling with excitement about this beautiful new baby boy growing within me. A boy! Oh wow…. He is already so SO cute. The ultrasound tech’ was amazed to see him smiling out at us already—incredible! He’s incredibly active and, given Jeremiah’s disposition and level of activity, we believe it’s a sign of busy busy days ahead. At only 19 weeks he was already kicking the ultrasound wand off my belly! What a boy!
Somehow, along the line of realizing we might never ‘grow’ our own daughter, we’re also coming to embrace a new kind of openness to the concept of children, and family as a whole. J and I have created four little lives together so far, but I can’t shake the very deep-rooted feeling that we’re going to share our home with at least three living children. Who will they be? Where will they come from? Will we invite a baby girl from some far-away place? Will we be courageous enough to remain open to other little lives growing within my own body? I don’t know….
I find pregnancy difficult. It’s exhausting, my diabetic risk is now high, and recovery is terrible. Do I want to remain open to that kind of intense use of my body and time and desires? Yet…the more I open my mind and heart…I don’t know. It’s funny, we were determined we were ‘done’, ha, and now? I suppose there is yet more to learn about being open to Life and bearing witness to each season and cycle as a gift and organic opportunity.
Anyways. Happy. And happiness to you….

6 Responses to “It’s a…!”
  1. Dana Fiorito says:

    I’m so wonderfully happy for you. Being a mom to boys has literally rocked my world in SUCH an amazing way. I grew up yearning for a girl. I knew that I couldn’t have another baby growing in me without being fully content if I was having another boy. And, you know what I’ve realized? I don’t even think I want a girl. I love my relationship with these little guys. It’s so special and seemingly different from what my gf’s have with their daughters. Anyways, I’ll pray for you guys whenever I think of it, building a family is a beautiful thing and sometimes God brings us to new realizations of how a family can be formed…truly beautiful.

  2. sadie says:

    I’m so glad you are embracing this so beautifully even though it’s unexpected! I seriously LOVE having boys so so much, and it’s wonderful to see them already growing to be best friends! Jeremiah will be so blessed by this little brother!

  3. Kmarie says:

    Congrats! Oh I can just see your two little guys wrestling and playing cars in a couple years. I never thought I would see the day with my sons because of the age gap but here they are wrestling and tickling each other. SO different from the other relationship ( which is best buds.) But the boys just hug, tease, and tackle. I love watching them!
    I hated pregnancy and birth with the first two and my lost two…but M changed that. I just read yesterday that with each child a woman bears her immunity goes down and she also gets a year to 2 years taken off her life. They think because our world is getting overpopulated too that more religions who embraced the “be fruitful and multiply’ need to take in the historical context and remember that Jesus taught us to be stewards of the earth and he talked more about taking care of the orphans and widows than anything else. I dont think he ever mentioned family planning or told women to keep having babies. They had method of birth control back then and he preached nothing against that- he could have. Now, birth control is actually starting to be considered a religious response of responsibility to our over consumption, over producing on every level.
    On the other side of it- if it someone loves giving birth and is extremely gifted in that area I think they should go for it! whatever way is chosen I think we all weigh the ins and outs for ourselves and the world.
    You will know in your heart when it is time to conciously stop. A word of caution- even when you know- women are born with the urge to birth even after menopause. I have grandmothers telling me it never goes away. Every month I cry at the fact that I am done for one day. But the next day I am relieved that I could not have fallen into pregnancy from my urges. AT those moments it is actually me craving babyhood or wanting time to slow down. I think it is part of the normal process and I will bawl next week when my baby turns three. Motherhood is never easy that way. Women have an amazing capability to love and add more and more. If I did- for me- it would be selfishness. I need to concentrate on the ones I have been given while helping those who have been given nothing.
    Its a tough call. In the end I think every woman needs to do what they believe in. However I hope this is coupled with knowledge, global awarness, wisdom, and the toll it takes on the individuals body. If I would have kept going the drs now say I would have increased my chances for bowel disease ( because of the way pregnancy affect this for me.) I would have been more anemic, my uterus and bladder would have continued to fall most likely requiring a surgery and post partum depression may have come back with a fourth. I did not know all this at the time but I just knew it would be hard on my body. After p procedure I was fine but 8 months later I cried for weeks. That is normal too.
    Do what you believe is best. I would suggest reading certain parts in the book Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert for some statistics.
    Well this is turning into a book! Sorry but hits topic hits hard here where most do not believe in birth control. I believe birth control was a gift from God like antibiotics- to use with self control and awareness when needed:)
    Love you and Congrats! When you have them in you it is all worth it!

  4. Kit says:

    Did you mean you thought you were “done” before or after you got pregnant this time around? I know what you mean about being anxious to find out who these people are that will some day make up your family. I can’t wait to find out who this little guy is moving around inside.

  5. Natasha says:

    Great post!! We don’t have kids yet, but we are having some of the same conversations. What does it mean to have a family, how will our family look, what are we open to, etc. We are considering adopting older siblings through the foster care system, but I can’t decide if I would look back and wish I would have had the experience of pregnancy, birth, babies, etc. Tough stuff to figure out, but exciting too!! Congrats on your little boy, and I really do hope you spend the rest of your pregnancy feeling healthy, energized, and no sickness!!!

  6. mel says:

    Hey Dee,

    I like this post. I am not prepared for hearing about another boy, but reading your words were really helpful. And I love that you wrote about a child from a far away land…I need to talk to you more about this when we get together in person.

    Love you and can’t wait to see you!

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