Great Expectations

Last night was ____ (ridiculous? Inspiring? Frustrating? Fun?) I’m not sure. I do know that I had some fantastically uncomfortable contractions and a sleepless night filled with them increasing in length and intensity, leading to a surge of adrenaline, repacking, cleaning the fridge, and dressing Jem in ‘travelling PJs’, and putting tonight’s supper salmon back in the freezer. In the end? No sleep and no true labour and a much more sleepy mama in the morning. Ridiculous. And funny.
Frankly, it would help if I could trust my body in these things. With Jeremiah’s birth, my water broke, I was sent back home, and twelve hours later gleefully walked to the hospital, snapping pictures and calling family. Everyone keeps telling me that ‘true labour’ is felt and obvious, but in that experience I had to go by the monitor telling me when a contraction was happening for the first several hours and stopped labouring altogether right before Jem made his grand appearance. Anyways, my point is that it’s one thing when you’re a few minute’s walk from your birthing center. Another when there are three hours of mountain highway.

Here are the facts: I’m not officially due for at least twelve days yet. I have absolutely no reason to expect that this baby will come early, and actually more reason to expect that he’ll be late. But despite these ‘facts’ I am so eager! So anxious to dive into labour and meet this child! So impatient to know that everything’s going to be okay…. I know I need to cultivate patience and not let my mind expect or hope for an early delivery. I know I need to try to rest while I can. I know that time will pass and life will go on and a month from now something will have happened.

 I know all these things but they really don’t matter at all because there’s a baby coming! My son! My child is ready to breathe the air and look into my eyes and be held at my breast and kissed on his head. Whether it’s officially the date or not, it’s time. Just as Creation groans awaiting her Redeemer, and just as the Christ wept over Jerusalem in His longing to gather her, and just our own spirits stretch and yearn and await that rebirth that is true existence—I wait. I wait with longing and impatience and desperation. I wait knowing that the greatest pain available to me is coming. I wait knowing that something amazing is going to take place; something terrifying and awful and altering.

I am awaiting the birth of this long promised gift in the manner of the wonders we do not see; in that hope of salvific expectation, in that terror of knowledge and the unknown, in that vision towards the moment when my universe will tear open and Life and life will be experienced. It’s the ultimate picture and the most phenomenal reality, the perfect metaphor, lived out in blood and breath.

And so I wait.

3 Responses to “Great Expectations”
  1. Kimberly says:

    As one who was due yesterday, had most of Monday filled with “false” labor and a very long week, I am smiling as I read this. My last baby was born at home-planned, but before the midwife arrived-not planned. I thought contractions 4 minutes apart for a few hours warranted the call. Now questioning everything I know about labor….I wait.
    I wait on the baby. I wait on word of my husband’s job. I wait on a place to live. I wait. You are not alone. Thank you for the reminder to wait on HIM.

  2. Kmarie says:

    Love your last paragraph! Praying for you!

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