This one’s for the ladies…

Posted by Dea' on October 18, 2010 · 6 Comments 

And their lovely ‘Lady Lands!’

Warning: Body talk, post-partum realities, and a bit of a different focus then usual….

I had a thought today and, despite the sleep-deprived-flu-irritated-hormonally-charged state in which I found myself, I feel it worth sharing. Here’s how it came about: I was sitting in the loo editing photos and attempting a bit of Bronte’s Villete while my bottom soaked in a sitz bath (yes, I’ve taken multi-tasking to a whole new level). As I ignored the pleas of the two-year old for snack time and worked and soaked and perfected my granny-on-the-pot pose, I thought, “Someone really needs to warn those ladies, cuz this is not pretty!” Adding water and salts, I considered how pregnant women have all kinds of prenatal coaching on breathing and positions and how to involve sweet daddy, and that we have nursing clubs and parades, photo shoots for before and during and the new bundle after, and so much more. From that first pee-sprinkled stick, there’s support and info and everything a new mama could need.

But… what of the post-partum Lady Lands?!
(Insert mute button, wide eyes, and Jaws sound track).

The ‘glorious experience of birth’ truly is amazing. However, when the adrenaline settles and mama comes home from Battlefield Birth, the newly conquered territory can be a wee bit…daunting.

With this in mind I came up with some brief but key points which could be a fantastic Reclaiming the Lady Lands curriculum:

1. The mama-to-be should be given an empty toilet paper roll. She should then attempt to pass a football through said roll. Upon completion of the task, she should attempt to stitch the former-roll back into its former shape, and then see how well it rolls.
2. The papa-to-be should sew labels on his boxers stating, “earliest 6 weeks, likely much longer, no it’s not time yet”
3. The parents-to-be should take a stroll down the geriatric aisle in the pharmacy and take a good look at granny panties, stool softeners, hemorrhoid creams, and sitz bath bowls. (perusing this aisle before the lingerie section will save you much time and money).
4. Before the new mama arrives home, the new Papa should vigilantly rid the house of any hand mirrors or other reflective surfaces which could allow, um, insight to the situation. He should then coach the mama as a sky diving instructor might, “It’s scary. Don’t look down!!!”
5. The new mama should carefully note her state of mind, state of body, and overall sensations throughout the day. These should be printed out and placed in a sealed container for reference around midnight  in about 18 months when she’s laying there cooing, “Honey, maybe we should…”

Oh the wonder weeks of post-partum recovery. Yet, we all know it is far more than worth it. As I sit on the salts and tell myself that there’s no way this new Baby will ever be blessed with a younger sibling, I find myself shaking my head and melting at the thought of those growly coos and deep blue eyes. My body will never (ever!) be the same, but neither will private places of my heart and home, the intimate areas of my hopes, those secret spaces of new life and joy that this season of labour and recovery, birth and life, have gifted me with in the arrival of this baby boy.

 

Filed under Birth, Health & Wellness, motherhood