“Mama, SWORD!,” he declares, tossing me the designated mop handle.
“Miah, SWORD!” he continues, grabbing his own christened broom stick.
 I strike a pose, ‘sword’ lifted, face as stern as I can muster as he shouts, “RUN!” and launches his attack.
Running around the couch, through the bedroom, into the closet, and across the dog, my two year old musketeer pursues opponent: his pajama-clad, sleep-deprived, baby-wearing mama.

Counting each strike of mop against broom and dancing a Christmas-carolled victory at each spin, we lunge and block and twirl about; mama and son, knight and princess. It is imagination at the height of necessity and pleasure.

The dog breathes an audible sigh of relief at her break from the role of horse and dragon, while the baby (somehow!) takes a minute to nap in the fray of it all. Laughing and caressing, we tumble onto the couch for the day’s 20th reading of the Lorax and another discussion on whether the latest lego pile is a dump truck, ‘super truck’, or excavator.

Laughing and yawning, I finally pry myself away to go prepare lunch, and then realize that it’s oinly 8:00am and we’ve got twelve hours of sword fights and lego to come.

This week it’s me and the baby boys. We’ve got the cabin to ourselves (without a vehicle or most of our belongings), the cold has descended, and we’re learning a whole new kind of creativity as we await J’s news from the mountain of exams and interviews he’s tackling.
I’ ve been nervous about my return to ‘full time mom’ after sharing parenting and work load for two years. I’ve become used to Jeremy taking care of things, having the chance for a shower or nap, preparing dinner without a baby tied on my front. I’ve delayed the shift at every possible point with every possible excuse, mostly because it’s next to impossible to return to that full role when the boys know their Papa is just in the next room.

It’s time to get this man out of the house and back into his own zone, and it’s time for this gal to get her mama-grove back. I’m starting with sword fights, moving up to legos, and by the time we hit Big City, I  might even have wrestling first-request-obedience figured out.

Can anyone relate? 😉

What I’ve learned about myself?
– I still love to procrastinate, even on big things like life roles.
– I’m way better at “all or nothing” then “slow and gradual”. When I’m in a role or change or point of responsibility, I’m there, I can do it. But when I know I can still take my time and get to it next week, well, why not wait a bit longer?
– I find big changes (starting a business, changing our name, leaving a province) fairly straightforward, yes or no. But ask me if I should have cake or pie, blue or green, beer or wine, well, those are tough! I think we’ve had so many big issues and changes that I’ve learned the necessity of separation and focus, and then find the small ones an indulgence of sorts allowing for delay and frivolity.

Anyways. This is scattered and I know it. I am incredibly tired, writing around a squawking newborn strapped on my chest, and due for a viewing of Mickey’s Christmas Carol with the young Musketeer next to me. Bear with me these next weeks as we dive into a little more crazyness and hit the snowy road down the mountain and to the Big City and the next unknown.

4 Responses to “rambly”
  1. Kmarie says:

    i am exactly like that too. Seriously it’s all or nothing! I totally can relate! Thanks for validating the normal human experience!

    So did you get my email?

  2. thismama says:

    Not really so scattered I think. After the past several months where we had a very needed season of both Mama and Daddy being available, I find myself hesitating to take the step back into the role of “full-time mama” again. It is time and it is good, but part of me feels like crying out to Dan as he walks out the door, “don’t leave me!” and “I can’t do this”. But then I realize, I can do this. This is what I love and this is the season I am blessed with. I would like to believe that I can even do it well. But still, it takes so many choices.

    • Dea' says:

      Missy, I HAVE cried after Jer, “Don’t leave me!!” It’s a tough tough transition. I’m thankful that you understand and appreciate the shift. It IS good and it IS time, but that sure doesn’t make it easier.

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