deep in the corner

There is a monster in my kitchen.
She’s huge.
And has large snapping jaws.
(And wait, before you let your mind go there, I’m not speaking of myself…just yet)

This loathsome creature has been dubbed ‘Shelobe of the Kitchen’; a grotesquely massive spider who has preferred a certain crack in a certain log behind a cupboard for most of autumn. Her size and speed, coupled with the collection of skeletal insects at the door of her lair, along with my own intense dislike of her kind, have stirred many attempts to evict her.
A few weeks ago, I thought we had finally succeeded. We happened to catch her peering out (terrifying!) and J was able to strike quickly with Jeremiah’s sword. She was gone for good, and the entire kitchen seemed to be a little brighter.

The other day, I was cleaning in preparation for the move. As I moved a few things from a corner in the kitchen, I noticed a gap in the log…littered with teeny tiny skeletons and decorated with a thick web tunneling back into the dark little cavern.
She wasn’t gone at all.
She had just hidden a little bit better, and become a little more clever, and was likely a little bit larger.

My terrifying kitchen creature was yet another kick in the soul for me that day. Cleaning and parenting and looking ahead to the move, I had been reflecting on how I had changed. I was feeling inspired for all that was to come and opportunities to solidify and express points of discovery and growth. But then there was a question or a look or…something, who knows really, and I was reminded all over again that I have so far to go.
 As I reflected on my very slowly growing self, and as I stared at that new and cleverly hidden spider cave, I realized how often I believe that maturation has happened in my life and how an issue has been expelled, when it has really only deceived me and rooted in somewhere else, and somewhere deeper. When I praise myself for patience or generosity, humility or knowledge, I often turn around to see its dark and sinister counterpart; frustration, pride, selfishness, and others; glowering at me from some hidden crevice of the soul. It takes more than a toy sword or a moment of self-satisfaction to truly expel the unwanted lurkers deep within.

So then. It’s a week for cleaning house; both here in the cabin and that continued slow and forever descaling of the heart. I’m always a bit hesitant at what I might find when I really get down on the floor and get into it, but corner by corner and in the midst of that Rushing Wind, I look with hope towards an open and acceptable sanctuary of heart and home.

One Response to “deep in the corner”
  1. mel says:

    what a poignant post, friend. The dark side is scary isn’t it? Makes me realize just how much I need grace…daily.

    Your words bless me. Happy cleaning this week:)


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