contrasts


I feel like a two-in-one product. What was that brand? Pert Plus? Shampoo and conditioner in one. Two totally different people in one package. How did I get here? On the outside, I’m just me; one mama, one wife, one woman with bad hair two (cute!) boys. Inside, I’m so divided.
On the one hand, I’m having incredible moments of hope and excitement as I look to the future. There’s so much good stuff ahead! I can see family moments and creativity, teaching and learning and growth, food and crafting and a home, a whole flock of kids past two years old, opportunities to invest in community and earth care and Greater Things. Hope and light and so much happiness! It gives me that quivery belly feeling.

But then there’s that other part. That part that you would see if you were to peek into this basement right at this moment. The part where this one mama one wife with too (crazy!) boys is still in the bed clothes of last evening cuz the day was done before she realized. The part where the youngest is just past two months instead of years and in such need of his mama. The part where creativity begins and ends in sporadic night dreams cuz there’s no center of creative focus during the daytime. The part where I realize so much of that quivery-belly hope comes from glimpsing those other mamas and wives with their flocks of bambinos and their beautiful moments of food and crafting and home as they invest in community and so many Great Things.

Hmm.

But that one side of hope is a bit brighter than the other this evening. She smirks, and I let her. Cuz really, there is no two-in-one other than the Three-in-One and, well, that’s just crazy. Like it or not, I’m one mama and one wife with a whole lot of pieces waiting to grow together. Somehow it’ll all lather up and work together. (I just hope tomorrow I remember to get dressed…!)

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