cuz it’s about others

From coffee to ranching to mothering to everything in between, this has become one multi-focused blog!

I’d like to expand on some of my thoughts from the previous posts, as well as follow up on some of the comments (which were so appreciated!). The thing with writing-on-the-run is that a piece may become somewhat one-dimensional and neglect that balance and depth necessary for effective communication.


My statement that  J is now “absent from home and community life”  was a bit of a stretch. Coming out of a season with everyone at home, late evenings with treats and shows and games, free afternoons, shared mornings, etc., the last few days have been a bit of a contrast. The fact is, J can’t enjoy those things to that degree, right now. Through focusing on his studies and work, he’ll be able to enjoy a greater freedom for fun and recreation with everyone (family, community, etc) in the future (and sooner if he wins the earlier practicum placement).

As for family life. Anyone who has met this guy can know that he’s crazy about being a Papa. He LOVES it. This is where his commitment to both role and service come into play. he best example? Since we’ve moved, Jem has really struggled with sleeping. He wakes up screaming with dreams through the night and hasn’t been able to handle being alone in his new room. So, J has set up camp with Jem. He takes care of his bath, bedtime rituals, night frights, and morning routine (including breakfast, potty, getting dressed, etc). This is a huge help to me as I’m still getting up through the night with Knightley and just can’t handle carrying them both through those hours. I haven’t asked J to cover Jem, he’s just taken it on as he’s seen the need.

Hmm… I should also mention that those statements on “There is no room for…” are mine and not something imposed upon me.  My choice and desire and hope. If I want, I can simply go 50% and be cranky (um…and I often am!), or just be a stinker, and Jer will totally pick up the slack cuz he’ll see the need and do it. But my desire is to learn what it means to give freely and fully. If I can apply this to those I love the most, then perhaps I will be able to translate it to the Greater Community. If I can’t give even to the easiest, than what hope do I have for true service to others?

Finally (and this may sound funny, hope it makes sense!) we’re not ‘one of those couples’. Now, that may sound totally ridiculous and weird, but it might make sense to some of you (and it might offend others, I guess). My husband isn’t telling me what to think or choosing my attire or demanding a certain expression of life or blocking me out. He’s open to discussing these things in the pursuit of truth, as well as supporting me in my need (a nap, writing, wroking out, a moment alone, etc). He doesn’t see himself ‘above’ washing the diapers or cleaning the kitchen or cuddling in with the baby. I can’t even count the times I’ve come home to folded laundry and vacuumed house and a changed baby and a relaxed man who doesn’t even mention it or expect anything in return. He just does it. He doesn’t announce it or tally it up for next week.
It’s not about ‘his way/my way’ or his ‘greater life’ and my ‘little housewife life’, it’s about both of us letting go, getting the work and responsibilities completed with excellence, and supporting each other towards good things. If I want to pursue more schooling, I’m welcome to. If I need to take off for a weekend with the girls, that’s great (though he hasn’t figure out how to nurse the baby yet so there are some difficulties there 😉 ). The point is, we’re not ‘cookie cuttering’ each other into some kind of textbook expression of roles, we’re both just trying to offer each other freedom and support as we seek and express a marriage, family, profession, and life, which lets go of ourselves and supports those statements of faith and belief spoken with our mouths.

Hmm…does that make sense?
Ha! Does this whole post even fit into this blog? Hmm…I guess  so….though I still don’t feel like I’m communicating that well or expressing my point. (What was the point?).

I guess so much of it goes back to that long ago introductory statement of this blog, ‘pursuing a life less loaded’ and ‘finding Life in the living’. We’re all journeying together and we’re each going to express these roads and roles and moments uniquely. There’s beauty in learning from each other’s experiences and questions, and being open to growing within them. I continue to see such a need for greater growth, maturity, and expression of beliefs into action within my life. I’m so thankful for this community of readers and this growing conversation. Thank you for helping me discover Greater Things along this gypsy path. And please, continue to challenge and question me as I learn.

(Eeks, and now I have to get going!! Oh boy this day is flying and there is much to do! I wish you well my friends. And thank you.)

5 Responses to “cuz it’s about others”
  1. Alicia says:

    Thank you for honesty, for showing us your gypsy path often, as you grow, learn, change and make room for the readers to see the whole picture.
    I like that you are not ‘one of those’ couples & you two make this ebb & flow of your family life entirely interesting to read about.

  2. Kmarie says:

    I love this clear post. Now I completely get where you were going with the last one. Thanks for clarifying. It is tricky on blogs. However, I am glad you wrote the last one as it solidified my stance in my marriage and in marriages that are “THOSE” type. In this community I just know so many women who are stifled and taken advantage of because of attitudes and beliefs- and sometimes I forget it is not like that everywhere:) And you are right Jer is an extremely active parent- I was very impressed when you guys stayed at our home- I hope you did not think I thought otherwise from my comment- I was strictly addressing the points you just cleared up. You sounded hard on yourself and like you were not getting a break and he was completely absent. Glad to hear that is not the case because I have experienced that before and it was so tough!
    You hit the nail on the head with your second last paragraph. we each will blog/ comment from our own experiences and we will bring that beauty of varied thought to the table. We each can digest it, take the stuff that promotes growth and healing personally, and appreciatively set aside the stuff or thoughts that may work in others lives but not in our own. What a great way of putting it.

    I do hope you can find more time for yourself and the days will not seem so long. I am glad you found others who you can relate to and completely agree with. It is always validating to be affirmed.

    You are amazing Dea and you are always willing to digest. You take things well and that is something I deeply appreciate in you:)

  3. Kristin says:

    You are a truely blessed woman and i totaly see where your heart is! I guess it would seem such a contrast to having J home all the time and then going to school and studying, it would seen like he would be absent.
    I’ve never had a season with Matt where he had the oppurtutinty to be home with us more, though we are working towards that on the self employment scale. I guess I’m extra senstivie to certian subjects having to do with small children and busy husbands (though Matt is busy, he by no means neglects us at all, in fact i’m the one who is often saying, no no i’m fine it’s okay you work on this, i don’t need a break), just from personal experience it’s not good to get burnt out!
    Anyway… I love reading about your journey, you are an inspiring woman and you have been gifted with a heart full of desire and longing to draw closer to Jesus and to serve others.

  4. says:

    I love your blog. I love learning what you are learning! I love your sweet boys. they are adorable. And I wish that you would always have time to write, but I’m glad for the days that you do! love ya friend!

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