one more day

It’s birthday week in this house and family! Three birthdays in the house alone and something like five or more in our family altogether. Good times! Today is C’s day (my sisIL and the other mama in the house) and Tuesday is my turn and marks my 30th. Thirty! Weird. Who knew it would actually happen?

Now, I like birthdays. They’re nice. Birthdays provide a sweet window for giving or receiving, a few hours or fun or rest, and a most perfect opportunity for something too rich and chocolatey for the rest of the year. We don’t usually go too crazy with a gathering or gift or anything, but it’s still nice to have that “aw, it’s my day” moment.

Here’s the thing. It’s funny this time around. I’ve seen it coming for a year. There’s no excuse for lack of prep’, it’s really one of those ‘set in stone’ dates. But today I’m a little blue, kinda wander’ish; stuck in that reflective zone of pondering all I was going to have accomplished and discovered and become by this date. See, I have a list packed away in one of our boxes in one of our corners somewhere along one of these roads, which states in sparkly blue ink all the grand and simple and original moments to be accomplished before the big 3-0. (I think it was originally inspired by viewing ‘A Walk to Remember’ with my highschool clanmore than a decade ago). I know I haven’t completed that list and I know that there’s no avoiding the changing of the numbers tomorrow. There’s no time left.

As I’ve moped about this morning, mourning my incomplete accomplishments and the ‘blah’ of the moment, I’ve begun to realize that there’s something bigger than the list. There’s the need to give up that zealous (and fairly pride-based) desire to be that ‘young and amazing’ twenty-something gal who ‘does it’; that woman who created the next big thing; that out-of-nowhere writer, published with her first script and only in her mid-twenties, that business-mama who could do it all, and without a wrinkle on her face. Hm.
I think I’m learning that the shift from the twenties to the thirties is a defining step into greater maturity and the opportunity to let go and to move ahead, to go deeper, to focus on the few and to do them well. My best decade has been marked by, well, everything. All forms of education. Too many expressions of interest and experiment and “this is IT” moments. Spreading it all too thin, too fast, and consequently concluding with much shallowness instead of that lasting depth I desire.
While the twenties may be the time for the testing of the waters and the hope of glory, it seems like this next decade could be the time for some serious application and solidification of all those bits and pieces which have been the trademark of my years. I may not accomplish that list. (Frankly, I may never even find that list after all the packing and moving we’ve done.) But I may yet be ‘accomplished’ in things which I value: developing Godly character, expressing art, learning to be a mama, growing as a wife, and seeing that which is truly lovely, truly worth it.



3 Responses to “one more day”
  1. mel says:

    Amen, friend! By God’s grace this past decade He’s accomplished so much in you. Yes, that’s what it’s all about, hey?

    And here’s (I’m raising my virtual glass) to a new decade of experiencing God’s grace and following where He leads.

    Happy, Happy Birthday to you! Love ya!


  2. Kit says:

    I loved your thoughts in this post. Maturity trumps glorious accomplishments. Nice.

  3. Brenda M says:

    I just have to differ with you a wee bit, Dee — the 20’s are not the best decade! The 50’s have it, hands down. =) Just be gloriously, honestly you, and relish today. Enjoy that chocolately whatever.

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