beyond measure

These days I am just love-lovin’ being a mama. Loving it. So much.

Being a mama to these boys isn’t easy. Or pretty. Or glorious.
Being a mama to these boys is tough. And dirty. And, simply stated, day by day by day.
Being a mama is the best thing I can be doing with my life right now. The role I look forward to each day. The best use of my time.

The past month has brought us to a very frank, fairly stark, look at our finances and situation. I am a person prone to regret and overthinking/rethinking, and I’ve voiced a few ‘what ifs’. “What if we had held off starting a family and I had followed some of those incredible positions and made a bundle?” “What if we were both bringing in an income right now…instead of neither of us?” “Can you imagine if we hadn’t done [baby, job choice, education choice, move choice, investment choice, choice, choice, choice] and had instead done [glorious career achievement, financial windfall, not those other choices], why, we would be debt-free, well-off, and could do whatever we wanted!”

And then I hear, “Mama, cuddle?” as chubby-chubby cheeks lean into mine. And then Knightley falls over with uncontrolled giggles. And then I wrap my arms around these best things in life.

And I realize that I LOVE being a mom.

It’s interesting: our current reality is a picture of putting all our [cracked] eggs in one basket leading to an extended session below-the-poverty-line, with a touch of homelessness, and a future of a few more unknowns before we hit that yellow brick road. But I’m becoming alright with that. I’m at risk of being thankful for that. I’m learning a ton from that.
Cuz I know that, really, I can do whatever I want.
But what I want has changed.
And it’s much messier and lovelier and more perfect than any of those ‘what ifs’ could have painted my life to be.

Cuz whatever our bank statements and wherever our home, I’ll always be a mama, and in that I am exceedingly blessed.


BIG boy (almost 6 months)



4 Responses to “beyond measure”
  1. Jess says:

    Oh Dee!
    This was so encouraging today!
    Thank you so much for the precious reminder and positive perspective…this is so often a running thought in my mind.
    Hope you are doing well friend! We will be much closer to you soon!

    • Dea' says:

      Aw! Thanks Jess! What a sweet and happy comment 🙂 I’m so excited that you guys are moving here! Sadly…we might not be in the area much longer…. We’ll see! 🙂

  2. Becca says:

    Yes, yes, yes! I am with you! So grateful to be Mama. And as a Mom of 2 boys as well, it isn’t pretty! But it is full of Love and good with a touch of craziness! Thanks for these uplifting thoughts.

    Praying for your finances to go on the upswing. Praying the same for us, to know fully and truly that we are always in God’s care.

  3. Such a good post. I love hearing this perspective. We are in that place of “do we want kids/when do we want them” and “but if we wait just two more years with both of us working, we’d have all of our debt paid off” and “what if I wouldn’t have chosen that major” or “what if I didn’t take this job”…I have felt regretful and analytical the last few months to say the least. A friend of mine recently said to me “The time to have kids is never right, but always perfect”. I think this post is a reminder of that – I forget there are no rights and wrongs…just different paths, different experiences, all eventually leading to the same Place.

    Hearing your thoughts enables me to take a deep breath and realize that it will be okay…regardless of the when or if or where or how.

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