some days

Today, in a day filled with almost non-stop toddler meltdowns, and a sad sad baby boy, and a oh-so-tired mama, and a brain that’s fogged, and a body that’s weak, I will….
Be thankful that this toddler has such a uniquely strong will, such spirit, such drive, such a voice.
That this baby came to us in this season and chooses to be near during sadness instead of distant.
That this mama is tired because, well, she’s mothering; a role and season more difficult and ridiculous and rewarding than can be described.
And that this tired, aching body has a baby boy showing strength and fire with kicks and bounds, eager to step out and run upon the earth.

It’s been a day. A long one.
I haven’t done so well with the challenges presented.
I’m learning much about my limits.
I’m torn between needing the fellowship of women…and not ever wanting to answer the door or actually see anyone.

Is that weird?

I’m actually, honestly, thankful for this unique season of home-making on my own. It’s good for me to face my weakness, my limits, my needs, my strengths, without any option of shuffling them onto someone else. I can’t say my house or yard or face really appreciate learning curve, but i’ll get there.
I think.

I just need some sleep.

To you mamas and women and wanderers; if you’re in a unique arrangement for a season, you can do it!
If you’re not, look outwards, and don’t hold it all too tightly.

I’m off to make a hot chocolate, which I shall drink in bed, while the dishes cry for help and the laundry crawls towards me…. 😉

6 Responses to “some days”
  1. Katherine says:

    I can only imagine how tired you must feel!
    I hear you about wanting fellowship and not wanting to answer the door. I swing back and forth. 🙂
    I like your perspective on this season, about facing your limits and needs, that’s a good thought. Never bad to see opportunities for needing Jesus! But hard stuff sometimes. Will be praying you get the rest you need tonight!!

  2. Ashley says:

    We had a time of ridiculous melting down over here today also. The most epic episode to date I think. Started minor (and about me accidentally doing something for him that he could CLEARLY do on his own) but one thing led to another after another and escalated to pure ridiculousness, spilled yogurt, spilled chicken drippings (on baby at my feet! Thankfully not hot), and a mama briefly in tears!! Said things in a tone I wish I hadn’t, after talking calmly for what seemed a long time and wasn’t getting anywhere that way. Urg.
    I need new mercies tomorrow that’s for sure!
    And I almost didn’t answer the door this evening…. other than we were playing in the front room and they could see us through the window… can’t really avoid that one! lol

    P.S. The laundry won’t get you. I’ve tested that one out… haha

  3. Anonymous says:

    I dunno what was with today.. but it was a doozy here too! Lets hope tomorrow is amazing and peaceful and filled with happy contented children and clean houses… ahhh, ok, maybe just in my dreams.

    You’re doing amazing though Deanna, growing a baby is such hard work and so is raising the ones we have!!

  4. Anonymous says:

    oh, I’m not signed in… huh… well, I’m the random neighbour…

  5. thismama says:

    Thinking of you dear Dea and hoping that right now you are having a deeply resting sleep! This beautiful season is sooo challenging and yet oddly so…right.

  6. Kmarie says:

    Hope you get rest. I know of that guilty desperation…but it is legit. Really. It can still be beautiful while being tough.
    And I think we all are torn between the door and hiding. Funny thing though- when I force myself to open my door on the worst days and when I look the worst I always feel refreshed after. The other women sharpen my skills even tho that is the last thing I feel like. I’d say 90% of the time I force myself to open the door and 70% I don’t regret it! the other ten I allow myself the grace to just be ( as sometimes that is needed too.)
    I hope you find the right balance for you:) You are welcome to come at 1:30 today and the kids can play with my kids while some women chat about simplifying our inner chaos.

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