not like friday


It’s an untypical Friday in my home this evening. Perhaps it’s the weather (SO cold!) or the hours of cranky cranky boys (what got into them today?). Perhaps it’s the lingering flu and the clinging lack of culinary motivation (nope, not even the traditional Friday Night Nachos—weird). It’s just one of those evenings that seems somewhat grey. I should work on Christmas goods, or put away those dishes, maybe just have a bath or make a cup of something.

I think, silly as it sounds, it’s an evening to have my husband at home with me.

I think I would say, “You pick the show” and “Do you wanna do up the nachos tonight?” He would scold the boys in a manner that cut past the fuss. He would fill the porch with wood and put away the dishes while I snagged a bath. In the end, he would still let me pick the show and then move off the better couch and give me the cozier blanket and the last chip.

But he’s still up in the snow; he hasn’t even left the work site to head back to the hotel for the evening (about an hour from the site). He’ll go ‘home’ and heat up leftovers; likely canned curry sauce on his preferred mix of snap peas, onions, and mushrooms, and maybe those pork chops I sent along, likely a glass of homemade wine, and perhaps  those butter tarts I mailed.

I’ll watch Baby grow and move.

He’ll watch a show.

I’ll tuck-in the boys.

He’ll wonder if they miss him.

I’ll change into his T-shirt. Climb into his side of the bed. Snuggle into his pillow.

He’ll choose one of the two hotel beds, use all the pillows, set his alarm for 4:00am.

What does marriage look like, apart?
I’m not entirely sure. I’m in it, I’m observing and feeling it, but I’m not really sure how it’s done best.

We communicate, though we’re both fairly poor on the phone.
We appreciate our marital sexuality, though our personal choice/belief is that we are fulfilled together, in person, and so there’s a bit of a…dry spell.
We study and learn and read and ponder, but so much of the inner, deeper life is, well, inner and deeper. It’s lived together. It’s not so easily shown in an email.
We parent. I vent. He scolds me. I work. He reminds the elder one to mind his mama. He laughs. I cry. He sends the money. I grow the Baby. And we both do it hour after hour and day after day.

Together and apart.

Hm.

And I sit here by the fire on this non-typical Friday evening. And I wonder if he misses me and hope that he’s alright. I wonder if there is any connection in the waiting and separation between our Bridegroom and his growing Bride.

I wonder how I can make this a season of beauty and peace and deepening of our vows and commitment; a greater preparation for spring, when we’ll be together again for months and Baby will be in our arms and we’ll catch up for hour after hour, day after day.

Be warm and near my friends.

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Comments
3 Responses to “not like friday”
  1. Kmarie says:

    Ah that is sad. I feel for you both. THat torn apart feeling is…well you know obviously. In better news- Keren is in town! She showed up at my door on thursday:)all the way from England:) We may be getting her to do a Called to Question about Gender Issues in third world countries…I will give you a heads up to find sitters as I think it will fit into your Half the Sky reading quite nicely. And if we can’t find a sitter- we will figure out another way for you to come. I will send an email soon. Be warm my friend, take that bath and plop those boys in front of a show…( To make you feel guilt free I will add a tidbit of info…I’ve taken enough early childhood education to know that a show ( if it teaches moral lessons) can enhance children’s growth…it’s actually myth that shows stunt growth… Only fast paced or crappily done shows or shows that run ALL day. Most kids programs these days have a team of psychologists and ethical consultants. I allow my children one show- two per day. If you need some- I can lend you some. My kids have learned huge lessons through Barney( about feelings and politeness) and Backyardigans, or Blues Clues ect ect…It opens good discussions and gives mommy much needed down time:)It supports what I teach them from a third source. Hearing Barney talk about manners reinforces what mommy says on manners…somehow a purple dino gives it that extra oomph:)
    I hope this day is warmer and cheerier. Rest dear one, you are doing a phenomenal job. I admire you so much!

  2. Jamie says:

    Good expression of hard stuff.

    It may not feel like much encouragement now. But there have been a few things in our marriage (particularly living with other people for a few years and then seasons of being apart for long periods of time followed by having ALL our time together during the laid-off months) that have made us so, so, so much appreciate the everyday, normal things. The normal life. Now I understand why families choose simple 8-5 jobs. Now I understand why it is important for every family to have their own home, their own space. In the seasons now when Keith has a close-to-normal workday and we have our own home all to ourselves, I am ever so grateful. And hoping I won’t take those things for granted, ever.

    • Dea' says:

      Yes! Ha, and yeah, I think you have a very real understanding of this kind of lifestyle. I often think of you guys and how happy I am for your current ‘normal’ 🙂

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