perspective


Kay, the belly is WAY waaaaay bigger than that. (especially once I left the place full of curry!)

I took myself out this evening. I booked my sitter, made a reservation, ordered the whole gang a big pizza, put out cookies for decorating, put on a dress, packed my Advent book and some Dickens, and drove away for three hours. I sat here for ninety minutes and slowly ate a most perfect offering of food. I sipped my coffee and pondered hard lessons, read bright and heavy scripture, and explored a few chapters of the real Christmas Carol. I then waddled on over (yes, my waddle officially began somewhere between the butter chicken and the mug of coffee…I guess I’m there.) to the Lessons & Carols service. Between candlelight and scriptures, I watched Baby move and hear first teachings. I lingered in the basement over oranges and pumpkin loaf before stepping back into my home and into the arms of a sugared up toddler and two amazing baby sitters (yeah, two! They spoil me 😉 ).

It was such a perfectly lovely evening, full of such convicting lessons and such space to breathe. I think the boys needed a break from me, and I needed some time to be the Child and bow to discipline.

Among many things, I was reminded of how the choice to be a mom is not relgated to the time of pregnancy. Every day, every moment, we choose. We either choose to be that mother, or we choose to just ‘be done’. We either take that breath (or three) and Breathe In, or we push out terrible noises of selfishness and discontent and volumed ego. We either see them for who they are: children, innocents, students, clay, vulnerable, or as what we could create them to be: a burden, a bother, a pebble in our shoe of time and schedule and internet and lists and accomplishments.

We choose.
I choose.

At the end up yesterday’ Advent reading, Rohr asks, “What one or two things do you need to do well? What do you have to stop doing to do that?”

What if, for months or years, there were no emails or phone calls, no ‘achievements’ (like that article or that craft or that renovation or that outing), no extra lists beyond the basics; nothing further than getting that one or those two deeply valuable things done well. For me, what I need to do well is mother these boys. More than having my laptop open on the counter throughout the day. More than asking them to “just wait one minute”. More than anything that is getting between me and them and their opportunity to see Goodness.
[Note: I’m not promoting complete isolation, disappearing from relationships and the connections that bring community and survival to a mother in these winters, but speaking more of the minute-by-minute choices of every day.]
I’m slowly finding what needs to change, and most of it goes back to my own personal choices, my own desires, my own points of justification. I believe great things could be in store for these children of mine. They are strong boys; focused and determined and passionate; they do not need to become weak or poor or ‘bad’ people. As I embrace my season of opportunity, I will cultivate season upon season of opportunity for them.

Anyways.

I must sleep now as the mornings come early in this house. I wish you all a beautiful evening on this third advent Sunday. We are drawing near to Christmas, how exciting. What a season of anticipation….

candlelight and litany...sigh....

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Comments
One Response to “perspective”
  1. Melanie Joy says:

    oh Dee, this post moved me. Loved this line:For me, what I need to do well is mother these boys.

    What a conviction. I long to do that well too. Love you, friend! Love your heart.

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