Thanks for waiting! (insert scratchy telephone music ;) )

I think I’m getting somewhere.

One month ago, I had almost decided to delete this blog and quit blogging altogether. My questions included:
– Why am I writing this in a public forum? What am I truly contributing? With all the blogs out there, why am I giving this much time and thought and…?
– Why do comments matter to me? What is it within my self, within my Ego, that loves to check the numbers?
– Where is my focus? What is the purpose of these posts? From the initial ‘Gypsy steps’ to the now, everything has changed. Isn’t it time to quit?

Those were (and remain) valid questions that I continue to ponder. To be honest, I’m no longer entirely sure about the blogging world. For me, I know there is a very easy draw to self-focus and a love of praise. From what I can see on other blogs (especially the ‘mama blogs’, sorry) many share this inner spot.

But then there is the positive.
– The very real community that grows out of these posts and conversations.
– The challenge to think through ideas and moments, and the accountability that comes when they are shared.
– The opportunity for art and creativity.
– A space that is our own.

So with all these questions and thoughts, I (way too casually) began renovating my blog site. Online reno’s coupled with consistently sleepless nights and an abundance of hours for inner examination and blank ceiling discussion, led me to what you now see. I actually didn’t expect this… Somehow, everything changed over the course of a few nights, and I’m onto something different and unexpected and somehow organic.

I see that this space is shifting from ‘day to day’ records and reports of my days and moments. I know I like sharing those bits, and I like the feedback I receive, but I’m also seeing my need to be fully present in those things ‘off screen’ and ensure their health and wholeness, before documenting them.  Of course, there will still be some of that as I can’t separate myself from my daily life and I’m really not going to keep you hanging on a great recipe or a perfect parenting tip 😉 , but my hope is that the content will be based more…well…I can’t even find the words, perhaps inner pieces drawing us all to wholeness; first in our God, and then…I guess we’ll see. (Hm, now you can see how new and ‘in process’ this is to me!).

And on a practical note:
– I’m figuring out how to organize the posts from the past several years under one page, and then looking forward to keeping new posts limited to the categories listed on the pages and tabs (if that makes sense). This is to enable me to find a rhythm and focus, and to enable you to have a sense of the content.
– I enjoy my photos and recipes, but I’ve gotten lazy. I’m hoping to keep things a bit cleaner, consistent, tested, and accessible.
– While there are some men who stop in, it’s likely that this is going to become more of a woman’s space. I like that. And yeah, between now and a month there will be a birth story!
– As I’m still discerning the rhythm and content and flow, I ask that you stick around in this sweet community and see what happens. Posts have been few and far between lately, and this time around I’m giving myself permission to feel things out before blasting away.

So there we go. My little ‘here we go a coffee-roasting’ family blog has somehow birthed something unexpected. I’m so intrigued to see what happens next!


6 Responses to “Thanks for waiting! (insert scratchy telephone music ;) )”
  1. Anna says:

    No, don’t do that Dea. Don’t be one of them, just another blog of a perfect mama, with perfect writing or humorous or philosophical or… I like you becouse your inner reflections are so deep and truthful, because you seem honest and unusual. Don’t subside to the average blog type. We don’t need another adviser, we need another soulmate. Sometimes, even in your darkest hours you are like honey for the soul…
    Anna (Greece)

    • Dea' says:

      Thanks Anna! I so appreciate the comment and honesty and encouragement. I agree, we certainly do not need another adviser. A soulmate is much more real, much more necessary.
      (Um, but just so I’m not misunderstanding…don’t do ____ (delete? change to this new format? shift from daily reports to more reflective?). I sure don’t want to be the ‘perfect mama’ blog as that’s far from the real expression of my days. I’m hoping to step towards something much more real, more reflective, more open, and (perhaps) a bit more uncomfortable.
      I’d love to hear more of your thoughts and feedback. Thanks!!

  2. thismama says:

    Ha, I have never been entirely sure about the blogging world….honestly…other than one or two that I have a connection to through a friend, I don’t follow blogs other than those of my friends. Mostly I am interested in maintaining those connections and learning through their daily lives. I struggle with the why of blogging and the need for comments or affirmation. I am okay with appreciating the comments, same as I so appreciate encouragement in the “real” life, but what I don’t want is for the comments or numbers to be a creation of value or significance…I just need to see blogs that have hundreds of comments to be reminded:).
    I know this is getting long but I am so with you on the “I’m also seeing my need to be fully present in those things ‘off screen’ and ensure their health and wholeness, before documenting them”; I am often convicted that my family is not fodder for my blog and that they don’t need me chasing them with a camera to catch the moment to write about it. They need me to be experiencing the moment. I really struggle to keep that balance.
    Anyways, looking forward to hearing more!

    • Dea' says:

      Thanks Missy! Encouraging 🙂 I’ve loved staying connected with you through your blog. Like I mentioned on your site, you have express a great balance and are honest in the points of challenge. The blogging world is becoming a whole new thing these days. There are some pretty amazing sites out there, and many which have benefited my life and home. There are also some that make me go, “Hm… I wonder what life is beyond that pretty picture…?”

      I’ve sometimes had to stop and laugh (and then chastise myself!) in my own “chasing them around with the camera” moments. Oh man. Or when I set up the ‘perfect blog moment’ but then get all snappy or grumpy with the boys. Goodness!

      I think, in many ways, the content of this revisioned site will remain similar to what it’s being, but I’m hoping to hold myself to a deeper honesty while living more presently in the moments at home. Should be interesting 🙂

      Anyways. The ‘real moments’ right now mean getting boys to bed around my almost-full-term belly…and then popping a huge bowl of popcorn just for me! 😉

  3. Anna says:

    I meant don’t change, not stop. I started reading more of your posts from the moment they became more dark and thoughtful and daring. The other blogs I just read for information just as I would read a magazine. Good, but not thought provoking. Yours could be only compared to a personal calendar, but how often do you have the opportunity to read another (interesing) person’s calendar? Maybe there could be TWO blogs, one mainstream and one for your real frieds (just saying)

    • Dea' says:

      Haha, nice. Thanks! It’s interesting; I actually enjoy writing the ‘dark and thoughtful’ more than the ‘daily info’. There’s a shift in my mind and heart and it emerges as a different writing voice. At times it leads to expressions of person or faith which some find too personal or offensive, but I personally leave the screen with the sense that I wrote something of value instead of just a report. I’m trying to sort through posts from the last four years and put those more ‘real’ ones under the category ‘pieces of me’, which is currently under the page ‘One God’ but will likely be moved under ‘women’. It’s taking me awhile to learn some of these new technical blogging things, but I like that I can have the categories of certain posts tucked in like that.

      Anyways. Thanks for the feedback! Have a great night 🙂

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