be thankful


I’m sitting here in my husband’s t-shirt and some generously waisted don’t-step-out-in-public pants, bouncing on a birthing ball and rubbing on some clary sage essential oil. It’s one of those moments where I’m almost thankful that my dear lover isn’t home, but also one of those moments where I’d love to bounce on over to him and say, “And you thought it was such a great idea ten months ago!”

Oh it’s the month of love and I’m feelin’ the effects ;
{Pregnancy (and insomnia and, apparently, clary sage!) brings out the comic in me.}

Anyways…..

As I’ve walked through the past several days, I’ve had to note some beautiful points of thankfulness. For one, I’m discovering a growing desire to share pregnancy with women. Wait, don’t get me wrong. I’m not a gal who can stomach a birth video and really, anyone’ s attraction to the lady-lands remains a mystery to me, but I am really developing a fascination with the season and strength and challenge and beauty surrounding the wonder of pregnancy and birth. I’m not sure what that will mean in the coming years. It’s doubtful that I would make a decent midwife (I think you have to have your eyes open during the actual baby-coming-out part….) but perhaps some kind of doula or even prenatal support or something. It seems as though I’m gathering enough expressions of pregnancy and birth to be able to offer some insight and support when other’s find themselves in these places.

Next, I’m gaining some unexpected insight into new methods and materials for pregnancy, labor, and birth. Tonight’s example is clary sage. Two days ago I had never heard to this oil. Now, several articles and drops later, I’m definitely a fan. I’m unsure if it’s bringing me any closer to labor and birth, but my word, I feel fantastic! This stuff is definitely going into my labor bag.

Finally, there’s the whole experience itself. Being pregnant, at this point in the month, wasn’t the plan. Tending to two (craaazy!) boys alone while waddling about at 41 weeks is really less than ideal. Walking through day after day without a plan is forcing me to just ‘be present’. Now I live by the half-day. Now I say, “Um…I don’t know!” Now my pat answers are quieted and I have a new view towards other women’s experience. Now I am left with nothing but to really examine my heart and see if there is anything hidden within me, within my life or spirit or mind, that’s slowing things down.
What lesson am I missing? What voice am I ignoring? What is the greater Plan within these unplanned days? How can I truly open myself; not only to the physical act of birth, but to the spiritual awakening that I am called to as Woman and Person and Saint?

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Comments
3 Responses to “be thankful”
  1. Krista says:

    Beautiful thoughts, beautiful space.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I can relate to every part of these words and the thoughts in the spaces between them. You seemed to have put into words what my heart and soul were becoming ‘awakened’ to as well when I was 42+2 and still had no baby in my arms but rather in an overstretched belly.

    I’m praying for you dear friend. This is a season. And you seem to be gracefully sailing through it 🙂

  3. Friend, I can totally see you as a doula one day. Perhaps the Lord is birthing new dreams in you. Love it. And man, when is this boy coming???! 🙂 Love you!

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