Stuck with me


{It is so far past midnight but the evening was well worth it. But, I’ve committed to getting these Monday posts up so here you go. I hope it’s lucid! It’s been a busy few days! ;)}

My home, these boys, the emotions and intensity and destruction…it’s a lot, some days.

To be more specific, it’s gone from “a lot” to “J…I don’t know what to do, I really just…don’t…” in the past 48 hours or so. Somewhere between being an exceptionally intense four year old and waking up Saturday morning, our eldest shifted into being an exceptionally intense and creatively destructive four year old.

A short glimpse into the freeze frames: sliced bed sheets (to make Thneed), little brother lacking the top of his head’s hair (to help him look like an elf from Lord of the Rings), broken (glass) picture frames (two separate occasions), broken (glass) savings jar, paint fed to brother, white glue poured on the rug, raw eggs cracked on the same rug and what was left of the bed sheets, sliced mattress, sugar jar (about 1 lb of sugar) eaten to empty…twice, soap eaten, bath bombs eaten, and…etc.

All since Saturday morning.

And this mama laughed. Then cried. Then shook her head. Then took off to study.

My first self-preserving defense was to lock them up or run away. Together, J and I were working with spanks, time-outs, and every other consistent parenting strategy. Nothing was/is getting through.

J was home for the morning and invited me to get the study time in. I took it. He zoned in for boy-time.

Driving back from my brief study session, I stopped to snag some groceries and was reminded of a few dietary choices that I’ve often made and neglected. I decided to take care of the practical physical stuff that I had let slide. {Though to be honest, I just cut out that paragraph as it’s not really the point of this post…ask me another time ;)}

THEN, I found the ‘random’ aisle, I noted some metal clips (what are they called? Like those things mountain climbers hook their ropes and such with…?). Anyways. I bought a pack, along with some decent string, and drove home with a plan.

See, here’s the thing.

Kids are tough. Well, at least mine are. Someday’s, and hours, and moments, my  kids are really really tough to parent. They’re emotionally intense, physically strong, mentally clever, highly sensitive, and now, incredibly destructive. But guess what? So are we. We’re ridiculous. We’re selfish and stupid and mean and lazy and double-minded and manipulative and messy and gross and sad and needy and lonely and…in need of a Father/Mother/Guide. Our guide doesn’t leave us. Instead, He draws near. We push, we punch, we twist, we run, and He remains.

He doesn’t need us to get out of His space.
Instead, He enters ours.
He comes into us.
He remains.

So the plan?

Draw near.

Whatever tomorrow brings (and I expect it to bring all kinds of creative opportunities!) the boys are gonna have a mama drawing close…and literally tying them on to my belt and keeping them near so we can walk and push and pull and work it out…

Together.

They need to know that I don’t want them away from me. Not ever.
I want to be near them.
I want THEM. These ones, these super intense and exhausting creative boys, these are my sons.
I’m their mama.
And I’m committed to them because I have my Father living and present and woven into me.

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Comments
3 Responses to “Stuck with me”
  1. Lola says:

    Although we don’t tend to deal as much with destructive here (our problems are much more on the emotional and vocal spectrum) I was going to suggest that you do just what you’ve done. But oh my is it tricky with three or four. Take heart and have faith, it will be ok. And let us know how it goes. It’s so true, our children just need us close. I’ve had to do this with my oldest and I can see her body tense and her face reject it and then suddenly release into complete relief.

  2. Alicia says:

    I hope he loves being near. Sometimes they crave the relief and the comfort of being all there with you. Kai had a list a mile long of destructive creative motives when he was 4 including coloring a brand new carpet completely with red crayon, holes in walls, shredded curtains etc. And we learned he needed cuddles, whispers of love, intentional tomato staking, hand holding through all activities. He just melted and would ask for this even on good days. So we continue as he still responds to this so well years later. Good thoughts, friend. Your Caribiner is an amazing approach.

  3. Kristin says:

    Oh fellow mom warrior of boys!!!!! We have had MANY MANY MANY days just like that.. It is very true.. the very thing they need the most on days like that is for parents to draw closer. Keep pressing on! Soon these days will pass and the hard work that you put into drawing them close and teaching them how to expel thier energy in appropriate ways and to deal with thier emotions will be rewarded. We still have tough days, but it really does start to feel less chaotic as they are older ( we’re at 8, 6 and 4 years right now and let me tell you.. all the hard work we put in is SOOOO worth it, lovin the boys at these ages right now!) .

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