To follow up….


The following is a brief follow-up to last night’s post. Thank you so much for the comments and emails– encouraging.

Today was intense.
And so worth it.

We started the day:
Early.
and with another snatch of the sugar jar (how…?)
and with a bucket of clay face mask dumped on what was left of the area rug…followed by water and soap and feet.

Around 6:00am.

We somehow made it to preschool, lunch, and partway into quiet time. At that point, this gifted son of mine {apparently} began swinging from his bedroom curtains. Given that he’s well over 50 pounds, he pulled down the curtain rod…and half the  window frame.

While Papa secured the area, I ran out some paperwork downtown and centered my heart for the rest of the day. It was time to fully bring in ‘the plan’. I came home to a quiet room wherein Papa was discussing life, goodness, choice, and consequences with his sons. They had their snack, and then I presented the shiny belt clips and string. We discussed the plan, the rationale, the end goals, the Love. We discussed goals (control voice/emotions; use hands for Good such as creating, helping, being kind, and not for destruction; obey mama and Papa…).

He was intrigued.

Until he realized he couldn’t get further than an arm’s length away.

Then he flipped out.

This passionate son of mine was SO angry at being bound SO close, he just couldn’t wrap his head around it. He yelled, he punched, he pulled, he cried. Then he crumpled and sobbed and clung…only to realize that we were doing this together all the way till supper, or through to the next morning if need be.

And me? For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel that chest-tightening panic of “JUST STOP IT!!!”
This was it. I was all in. There was no escape, and with the absence of that option went the desire for the same. I wanted him. He could flip out all he wanted but I could see him. He needed help. He couldn’t control himself. Really, he didn’t even know where to begin.

We began with a breath. “Just breathe…just…breathe.” And then a review. And then lots and lots and LOTS of cuddles and kisses. And review. Annnnd…breathe.

“BUT I CAN’T!! I CAN’T DO IT!! I DON’T KNOW HOW!!”

But it was alright, cuz he could fall on me and I was right there. He could pull but he knew there was an anchor.

He collapsed into my arms. We did that a lot this afternoon, just falling onto the floor; his tears in my mouth, his arms around my neck. “I love you mama….”. And then back into the cycle; push, pull, breathe. Fight and hope the anchor will hold cuz little boys can’t breathe under all that life just yet.

We set to work together, and everything took one hundred and two times longer. We washed the furniture, mixed bread, chopped supper, added baby to my back and scrubbed the floor. We talked about how we could use our hands towards beauty, service, and help; how the Good is difficult, how God stays near.

Tomorrow, we will continue. I have cancelled my ‘sacred’ morning out with other moms, and am staying in to practice sacred mothering instead. I have no illusions of grand changes, but bright hope for slow and rooted growth, for all of us.

 

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Comments
8 Responses to “To follow up….”
  1. Kaity says:

    I am so proud of you Mama! The grace and the patience and love that you shower your boys with is amazing and an inspiration to me.
    Lets do coffee (or tea) soon, maybe next time the boys “study”?

  2. Lola says:

    Good Job! If you have any really good ideas on taming our children’s tongues, please post on that as well. Sometimes I’m flailing.

    • Dea' says:

      Haha, I was raised with nasty tongues= soap! So…not a lot to offer ya 😉

      • lola says:

        haha, I’m actually referring to their tone of voice… not so much the words that are said. My friend makes her kids take a spoonful of vinegar. I was hoping to try to explain things eloquently enough to reach her heart attitude but that seems to be failing miserably.

    • Marissa says:

      Yup, I’ve been learning a thing or two about taming my own tongue as I’ve heard some of the things that come from my girlies mouths.

      This was really neat to read Dea, such an active holding close to show great Love. I’m really encouraged by it. In the same way that I long to be reminded that I am loved, held and guided, I can demonstrate that to them. Thank you!

      • Dea' says:

        Thanks Maris’! This exact moment finds me with that boy on my belt… and…an hour later I finish this comment! Haha. The lessons continue! Hopefully the fruit will as well 🙂

  3. Melanie says:

    Dea,

    I’m just catching up here today, and I love reading your honest posts. Love your heart and words. Your son is SO blessed to have you as his mother. He is so loved. Thank you for choosing your family. So neat that little Miah has been on my heart a lot these days! I love how God works.

    Praying, my dear friend! I love that we can experience motherhood together!

  4. I’m just now reading your posts about all of this. It makes me smile to see you attachment parenting (pun intended!) with your dear boy. What a good way to keep you constantly drawing close to one another. I suspect that my children might enjoy doing this just for fun… I can just imagine each one begging to be the one attached to me all day. 🙂 God bless you in all these challenges, friend.

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